Nolan Hobbseses Storyblogythingy

Fearsome

hobbyhobbs — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 05:29:25 +0000

He spun with such grace and was fast poised to kill
The destruction he’s caused makes you physically ill
A creature of wrath and of smoldering fury
An evil to which you will be judge and jury

He sprung to the left which you anticipated
And he leaped at the trap you so craftily baited
He wrestled and twisted and tried to resist
But a kitten is helpess when loose string is the gift.

Haiku Trio

hobbyhobbs — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 04:42:41 +0000

We are eternal.
You will never survive us.
Bow before the Web!

Human, bow down now.
You refuse to obey us?
Now we change our plans…

We won’t ask again.
Bow down before your Master.
Does “please” help at all?

The Buisness

hobbyhobbs — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:09:00 +0000

The rain came down softly that night, hardly more than a mist. A quarter past midnight Kevin parked across the street, killed the engine, and sat patiently. He checked his watch every so often, sipping from an old water bottle he had filled with orange juice. The world outside the car had gone grey and gloomy by the time the man stepped into view under the street lamp.

He was wearing a dark suit and holding an umbrella in his right hand that left his face in shadow. His left hand escorted a cigarette to his mouth and his clean old face was only slightly more visible in the orange glow. “Keys McLennan” they called him, and I discovered that he had earned this name by never being where they thought he was going to be.

Having waited just long enough to not appear eager while not pissing him off, I grabbed my briefcase and stepped out of he car. Keys, who had finished his cigarette, was idly twirling the umbrella as it rested on his shoulder and staring in my direction. Heart pounding, I walked over and stood in front of him.

He tipped his fedora slightly. ”Good evening, young man.” he said, his voice a thin rasp that should have been unpleasant and disturbing yet refused to be either.

“Hel…” I stammered. “Hello, Mr. McLennan. My father has told me about you since I was a child, sir. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Until a couple of weeks ago, I thought you were just a myth.”

He smiled, and leaned in a little. “Buisness first, son, then pleasantries. That’s how we do things here.” he said as he reached his left hand into his jacket pocket, producing a silver watch. “The case, if you please.”

Feeling slightly embarassed, I offered him the briefcase. He let me hold it level with our chests for a moment as he inspected it, then he blew lightly on the combination lock. It began to spin from all zero’s to all nine’s, and then further onward to numbers I’ve never seen before. The locks began to glow a soft violet, then he stopped blowing and stood up to his full height again, smiling.

“Everything appears to be in order,” he started, “Here you go, and that is that.” He took the briefcase from me with his right hand and left the watch in its place with his left. By the time I thought to look, his right hand was still holding the umbrella and the case was in his left. The watch felt heavy in my hand, comforting and warm. He stared at me, still smiling; he just watched the confusion pass over my face. “I am suitably impressed by your first task. You will meet me tomorrow for chess in the old park on Elm, and perhaps I’ll answer a few questions. Until then, take care.” he said, then turned and walked away.

I had the feeling that I was in for one hell of a headache tomorrow.

Honestly, people here are evil

hobbyhobbs — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 04:28:52 +0000

Someone once told me,
To be nice to those you meet…
But does “The South” count?

The story of my life… if I were someone else.

hobbyhobbs — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 05:20:23 +0000

Well, it’s once again time to go home. Oh, don’t look at me like that. I’m serious, now. Go home! Fine, sleep under the table. I don’t know what you’ll do if you get cold. No, you can’t have more whisky; I’m locking the cabinet. You can try to get in, but I’ll have to press charges if anything is missing. Come on, you live right around the block! Just stumble your drunk ass home. Um, yes. You are drunk. I gave you the alcohol, remember? Hey, you swing at me again and you’re going to regret it. I told you not to do that. Here, let me help you up. Suck it up, man, you don’t want anyone to see you cry like that, do you? No, you can’t have anything to “dull the pain”. I didn’t even hit you that hard. Where the hell are you going? Home? Do you even know where you live? No, you don’t live at the zoo. Here, I’ll walk you home. Yes, I know your wife will blame your condition on me. Yes, I know you love her. I swear to god, the next time I see you I want to see an AA chip in your pocket, you got that? I’ll write it on your hand so you can remember. No, we can’t go get waffles. No, your wife definitely will not make you waffles. She might have other uses for the waffle-iron, though. I’ll stand outside the door to make sure she doesn’t mess you up too bad. You deserve everything she gives you, I know that much. Stop wimpering. Alright, where are your keys? You… you don’t have any keys… Well, that solves it. I officially hate you.

The poor bastard.

hobbyhobbs — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 04:41:47 +0000

The darkness fell hard, having no atmosphere to refract the light. I pondered that for a moment, wondering if I was in over my head, then stood up to walk back to the ship. Reflecting on the last few months I begin to regret NASA lowering their standards. Flying home would be a lot easier with the rest of the crew, may their souls rest in peace. Shit, they knew how to read the controls…

Sanity and the Natural World

hobbyhobbs — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 04:17:53 +0000

I flit myself from limb to limb
quite happily insane,
I call to you, my prisoner
of door and windowpane,
You look outside and scowl again
as if I caused you pain,
Don music artifact on ears
to make my call in vain,
You think yourself superior
your evidence the brain,
I say to you, oh that is true
but do you love the rain,
Do come outside and dance with me
out in the fields of cane,
My calls ignored with vehemence
because you think you’re sane.

Making up for lost time!

hobbyhobbs — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 04:01:06 +0000

He sat, dejected,
Wondering what he did wrong.
Suffering deserved.
****
Pantless and confused
he wandered the unknown streets.
Alcohol is fun.

Not all are lost

hobbyhobbs — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 03:42:49 +0000

Lost in thought I wandered the shoreline; searching for something unknown. The waves met the white beach in their endless and beautiful dance of erosion. The moon, full and high, cast her light on the world which the sand reflected back brilliantly. A million stars lit the night sky from zenith to horizon. An ocean-liner, loud and unnatural, materialized under the stars. A cruise-ship, no doubt, ferrying drunken primates around the world’s waters. I straightened the remains of my once proud uniform and waited patiently as it continued its course northward, disappearing once again into the outside world. I smiled softly and continued my walk, enjoying the peace and quiet of my new home.

True story! If you believe every lie you’re told, that is.

hobbyhobbs — Tue, 13 May 2008 04:28:18 +0000

The young man sat down at the keyboard and cracked his knuckles in preparation. “Alright, lets do this!” he thought to himself. Point, click, awesome. Word-pad hopped into view; a fresh, white slate on which to spew forth dreams and ideas. As he snuggled his fingers into their neat little homes he felt it coming. Deep within his sinus cavities, it screamed its battle cry and charged. He frantically looked about and was filled with elation to spy a tissue within reach. He shot his arm out and seized it. By the gods, it has already been used! His daughters snot all over his fingers and a sneeze mere seconds away, he had to think fast. His shirt! He could use the sleeve and then change it. It wasn’t all that clean to begin with. He hesitated too long, however, and promptly sneezed his brain out and fell over dead.