True story! If you believe every lie you’re told, that is.

 

The young man sat down at the keyboard and cracked his knuckles in preparation. “Alright, lets do this!” he thought to himself. Point, click, awesome. Word-pad hopped into view; a fresh, white slate on which to spew forth dreams and ideas. As he snuggled his fingers into their neat little homes he felt it coming. Deep within his sinus cavities, it screamed its battle cry and charged. He frantically looked about and was filled with elation to spy a tissue within reach. He shot his arm out and seized it. By the gods, it has already been used! His daughters snot all over his fingers and a sneeze mere seconds away, he had to think fast. His shirt! He could use the sleeve and then change it. It wasn’t all that clean to begin with. He hesitated too long, however, and promptly sneezed his brain out and fell over dead.

Story-time, haiku-style!

 ”Please do not worry
about my lawns condition.
I will mow it soon.”

“I told you, good sir,
that I will mow my lawn, soon.
Now… put the gun down.”

The bastard shot me.
To think, that it ends like this;
shot over lawn-care.

At the pearly gates,
St. Peter re-checks his list.
“Bad lawn, hell for you.”

Satan has bad news
“Vanity is a sin, too.
Either way you lost!”

!ukiaH

Without you it’s gone.
It needs you more than you think.
That’s all that it is.

Pain. We all know pain.
And love, we can’t forget love.
We know love’s better.

She slept beside him,
Nestled tight in his shadow,
And no nightmares came.

My Malevolent Master (pt 3)

He let his gaze sweep the faces of his friends. Each of them stood tall and proud, strengthened by their undeniable innocence. Each of them excepting Sampi, who stood as tall as his guilt would allow. He stepped forward and lifted his chin as high as he could while pulling the neck of his shirt open.
“Please, just don’t tell mother.” he pleaded. He was once again strong. Once again the man his father had raised him to be.
With incredible speed Miat swung his weapon at his firstborn child. The crisp morning air was shattered by the deafening sound of the flat of the blade striking the soft flesh of his neck. Sampi toppled over, knocked off balance by the would-be deathblow his father dealt him.
“Your mother will only know that you are dead.” he said, and turned his back to stare intently at the Disk of Legal Summonings. Sampi left, a dead man with a dead heart. His father had more important things to worry about than mourning.

My Malevolent Master (pt 2)

Through the tear came an enormous black boot, covered in chains and easily the size of a child’s torso. The leg that followed was covered in thick, dark, matted hair which masked the skin beneath it. The rest of the being connected to the bestial leg emerged from the portal, grinning. Its chest, completely covered in the same hair as its legs, was bare excepting a large metal disk, covered in marks similar to the sphere, which had been bolted to the center of its abdomen. Its head, held in place by an thick, muscled neck, bore no nose or mouth; just two eyes sockets that burned with a deep violet fire. The beast wielded no weapon in its massive fists but as it stood towering over Miat it slowly brought a hand to the metal disk. With a mind-shattering sound of tearing flesh it pulled the plate away, leaving a deep and bloody hole it its body, and tossed it to the ground at the feet of Miat and his companions. They all stared in horror at it, no one taking notice when the beast disappeared back through the gate from whence it came.
“We’ve…. we’ve been summoned.” said Mait, choking on the words. “We’re to be tried for conspiracy to commit treason.” Miat wasn’t shocked by this, but more by the rapidity of the legal system. “They must have been waiting for us to attack.” he stated, turning to his group. “Alright… who talked. I want answers, NOW!” he roared.

And my pain became his. -.^

He grunted in pain
“Why won’t my head just explode?!”
But then it did, *POP!*

Haiku-na-matata

“Safety First” they say,
While carrying loaded guns.
They’re not always right.

“Make your reflex save”
he said, but he knows I’m toast.
I rolled. “Minus six?!”

My Malevolent Master (pt 1)

Miat Chenital ducked behind a boulder and drew his short sword. “Three men, two women, all armed. Thirty two steps away as of…. now.”
The other men and women all quietly took their positions. Miat was most proud of his oldest son, Sampi, who seemed to disappear from sight completely. “Tumasat guide his blade,” he thought. A moment later, as the first soldier came into view, Miat and his companions sprang into action with flawless timing. He personally felled the first soldier with a stab to the stomach and kicked him off of his blade into his companions. “Death to the oppressive monarchy of Pampanas!” they roared as they charged the remaining soldiers.
As Miat and his comrades advanced the remaining men and women dove to either side of the road, dropping a small bronze sphere in their abandoned location. It was roughly the size of an eye and covered in unrecognizable glyphs. After a very brief moment it dissolved, and a crack in reality appeared above it. The rift stretched upward as it widened until it was large enough to ride a cart through. Miat Chenital, being the wise man that he was, called his friends to a halt, and they all stood, gaping in terror.

Tired and tipsy. Lots more tomorrow :)

I was watching the door when I saw him. The impressive thing about that was by the time I noticed him he was directly between the door and myself, and I was staring deeply into his naval. Startled, I fell backward onto the sidewalk.
“Please, stand. There is no need to grovel.” The man had a thick Hungarian accent and was quite nearly naked. “What was stolen must be stolen, lest it be stolen.” he stated cryptically, then promptly evaporated.
“GODDAMNIT!” I screamed. “You bastards just pop out of nowhere and assume I have a fucking clue about what you’re talking about! I swear, I’m going to freaking shoot the next vampire I see!”

Smeepytime storyness, sorry so short.

Pain is but a gift:
On purpose to enemies.
Friends on accident.